Days like this...

Have you ever had a day like this? I definitely have days like this -- and unfortunately so does Kate. The hard part for me right now is trying to PARENT someone having a day like this... and this particular little someone is only two and a half years old.

I love Kate with a kind of deeply unconditional, pure sort of love I never knew existed before she was born, yet lately it seems like my precious baby is more of a rebellious teenager than mommy's sweet little girl. She wants things to be her way, right a way, and then in the odd circumstance it actually works out that way she changes her mind quickly about what she wants! She can be happy one minute and screaming the next -- or vice versa where she's screaming one minute and laughing the next. Sometimes I know she disagrees with me merely for the sake of disagreement. Her language skills have developed to the point that now she explains a million reasons for why she can't do what she's being asked, insists on knowing WHY she needs to do anything I ask, and she has an opinion on everything we say.

I understand this is a normal part of two year old development -- and in a so many ways I'm thankful to just be dealing with merely a normal two year old development rather than all the things people around us are struggling with -- but this is where we are and it's something important for us to learn to deal with correctly. As Kate's mom I want to be understanding when she's just having one of THOSE kind of days, but on the other hand, when it seems like she's having on of THOSE days every other day I feel like I need to intervene somehow. So we've been struggling with discipline lately at our house.

It seems that right now we need to adjust our discipline strategies because what we've been doing has lost it's effectiveness. In Sunday School a couple years ago we went through the book Shepherding a Child's Heart. It discusses discipline in context of the long term perspective as based on the author's understanding of how the Bible addresses the subject. Overall I agree with most everything I read in it, so that book -- combined with several others -- definitely shaped my view of Godly discipline, but even with tools like those in my arsenal, right now I feel like I'm falling short of what Kate needs from me in this regard.

Based on wisdom from those resources, Kate sits in time out for lesser offenses and we give spankings for more serious disobedience. After she has misbehaved we talk about what she's done to make sure she understands her mistake, we discuss what she should do next time, she apologizes, and then she sits in time out or is spanked. After the crying has stopped or time out is over, we hug, reinforce what we will do next time, and go back to playing with clear consciences. That has been a great system for quite a while, but the effectiveness of those strategies is starting to GREATLY diminish so this week we started combining that process with taking away toys (particularly the prized dress-up clothes and art supplies) to try making an impact.

I thought that might do the trick, but she acts like it doesn't matter to her at all. In addition to praying about it, I asked a friend what she thought and she shared that her sister takes away her child's "lovey" (i.e. chosen special item that you can't usually live without, sleeps with, etc) as a method of discipline when she needs to get across a point. That completely breaks my heart, but if taking away Kate's blanket for a night is what needs to be done for her to take us seriously I would do it. Cody and I were talking about it last night and he suggested a sticker chart as sort of a more positive, rewards based system where if she earned so many stickers we got to do something special, but we aren't sure if she's old enough to comprehend all that just yet.

What do you think about taking away the "lovey" for major disobedience issues or a sticker reward chart since our normal discipline routine isn't working? Or are there any other discipline strategies that you find/found effective with a two year old that's going on thirteen? Any guidance for two loving parents who are striving to raise an obedient child in a loving environment would be GREATLY appreciated!!