Pumpkin Carving with Toddlers

How to Carve a Pumpkin When You're Two:
1) Invite a dear friend over to share the mess (i.e. FUN) with you - these sorts of occasions are much more fun with friends (i.e. someone else's mom who can call 911 if necessary)
2) Have your momma lay out newspaper on a sturdy work surface and gather supplies
3) Have this momma try her best to cut a circle about 2 inches around the stem at slant so the lid won't fall through whenever you try to top off your masterpiece when it's finished WITHOUT severely impaling herself, her friends, or the kitchen table
4) Have momma clear away the knives and any other toddler dangers from the table, call you to the table, attach a bib around your neck to protect your clothing from pumpkin gut spatter, and help you to take the "lid" off your pumpkin
5) Take a few moments to inspect the innards of said pumpkin with appropriate awe and a little disgust mixed in for good measure
6) "Stir" the pumpkin insides around and try to get some seeds or pumpkin goo on your spoon without getting your hands dirty (despite the fact everyone knows you thoroughly enjoy a good mess on your hands)
7) Instruct your momma to finish the clean out job, get the knives back out, carve a design on the pumpkin (again, without the spilling of anyone's blood), put candles inside, and clean up the mess
8) While mom is up to her elbows in pumpkin slime, take time to bask in your freedom to do as you please for several moments
9) Have your momma clean up whatever mess your unattended freedom may have unintentionally resulted in
10) Have that Momma do you one last favor by lighting the candles and ENJOY!